Life Lately: Auditions, Anxiety + Practicing Gratitude
It's been 4 months since my last Life Lately and so much has changed since then. Most of the change has been mental; some good some not so good. My patience was without a doubt tested, I had to constantly check my gratitude, and the health side got shook up for a bit. Let me explain. Once I finished filming I thought I would have a mini break and just relax for a bit, catch up on some zzz's, but no. There was a personal stress that required my attention. While pilot season started early for some I worried when it would kick in for me. It did sooner than I expected and prepping for in person auditions and self-tapes was a whole other level of stress. All good of course! But pilot season is so crazy and fast paced and you literally don't have much time to prep. You just have to do the absolute best that you possibly can under the circumstances.
Like anything, the more you do it the better you get. This was especially the case for self tapes which always takes time (even when it's a small scene), because anything can happen that will delay the process. But nonetheless, any sort of improvement makes it all worth it. Even when you don't book.
Smack in the middle of pilot season, in February (a week before my birthday to be exact) there were some issues in the apartment. Between the stress of auditioning and what was going on at home I found it difficult to relax at night and just go to sleep. I was constantly tossing and turning, fidgeting, and had major anxiety. I was mostly fine during the day but I couldn't shut it off at night. It all made it difficult for me to actually get up and work out. And since there were days I didn't have a kitchen I ate out a lot 🙈. I was sluggish, always tired, and just didn't feel right. This went on through March.
Once April hit pilot season slowed down (aka finished). Things at home were settling down and I was able to start shifting the focus on different areas of my life. While I still was working out during this mess my eating wasn't right, so I had (still am) working on that and getting back to my routine of working out at least 5 times a week, minimum 4. I've also been updating my creative space (work/desk area) and I'm loving it so far. Will share details soon!. It really uplifts my spirits and inspires me to get back to work with my writing (book and scripts), plus some new things I'm cooking up for the blog. The small updates in the bedroom also really changes the overall vibe. I can't wait until it's 100% finished. I'm so happy the boy was ok with finally stepping up our decor.
Grow through what you go through
I admit that the stress over the past 4 months made me lose sight of practicing gratitude. While I was grateful I still wanted things to be handled a certain way. So when they weren't it really pissed me off. And it caused such tension between the boy and I, which is to be expected, but still. He was always reminding me to be grateful and stop complaining, so hard! I legit had to work on constantly reminding myself to simply be grateful for what I had. And that this annoyance was a very small part of a much larger picture. In the moment though this was so difficult to do, especially since it was affecting me on such a physical and mental level. The anxiety and stress was bad and I let it consume me instead of taking control over it.
What I'm trying to say/share with you all is that, sometimes we will be tested and we must remember that the hard moments don't last forever even though they feel like they do. When you feel like you're about to lose it, take a breath, think of all that you do have and be thankful for them. Because once you go through it, you'll look back and realize how small that lil bump was.
If you're going through something remember to stay positive. It'll get better.
#PrayersUp xo ♥